“I sweep. I scrub. I clean vomit and grub!” announced Buddy as he opened the door.

“That’s nice, but do you have a resumé?” questioned the interviewer.

“I do. Here are some edits I made to go with it.” He hands her his resumé and a napkin with some squiggles on it.

She takes a moment to look everything over. “Tell me about yourself.”

“I’m a guy,” he pauses, “and I need a job,” he pauses again, “I’m a dad, so I’m decent with kids. My wife left me and my son left shortly after he became an adult.”

She fiddles with her pen, “You don’t have any real experience with janitorial services, do you?”

“I’ll demonstrate my experience right now!” He grabs the trash bag and starts to tie the bag.

“Jokes aren’t appreciated, Mr. Galloway,” she states through a slight smile.

“Kids love jokes.”

“They do. They do. I will call you if we are interested in employing you. Have a great afternoon, Mr. Galloway.” They shake hands and she escorts him out of the office.

“Don’t forget about me like the last, uh, I forget who,” Buddy says with a chuckle at the end.

Buddy begins to walk out of the school building when his phone rings. It plays a tune from a video game. “Hello. This is Buddy.”

“Mr. Galloway, it’s Samantha Ruben, the school’s principal. We just had an interview.”

“Yes. I remember, I think.”

“Honestly, you were our only applicant, so the job is yours. Will you come back inside?”

“Sure! I will see you soon.” He ends the call before she can say anything back.

Buddy returns to Samantha’s office with a big grin on his face. With his white mustache forming a straight line, he jokes, “Nice to see you again so soon!”

“Congratulations!”

“Could you please not tell anyone my real first name?”

“I have to tell some people, Mr. Galloway.”

“I meant the kids, just call me Buddy.”

“Okay, Buddy. Here is your uniform.” She hands him the janitor’s uniform.

“Do I get a closet too? I’ll need one.” Buddy’s eyes grow large.

“Yes. Let’s take you to the janitor’s closet.”

They both wind down the hallways to a door. Samantha unlocks it and hands Buddy the key.

“Do you have your clearances?”

“Yes, right here.” He hands her some folded papers. “I can also perform CPR. Want me to demonstrate that?”

She laughs. “No, please don’t. I have the certification for it here and that’s enough. Can you start today?”

“I can.”

“Great! Let me know when you are dressed and ready to clock in.”

“Will do, thank you!”

She walks back to her office. Buddy travels to the restroom to change into his uniform. After changing he heads back to Samantha’s office.

“I’m ready to clock in. I have to grab this bag first.” He grabs the first bag of trash from the interview.

“After I clock you in, Mr. Galloway. One second—” She begins typing away at the keyboard. “And there, clocked in. Your locker is in the janitor’s closet.”

“Where is the dumpster?”

“Around the back, here is a map of the building. Use this laptop to complete your training and then get familiarized with where things are. When you are finished, I will clock you out for the day.”

“Okay,” Buddy says with his eyelids lifted and the corners of his mouth retracted. He hadn’t realized that he would need to be trained to clean.

He retreats to his closet and stores his clothes in the locker there. He sits at the little table and opens the laptop. On it is a sticker with login information. He powers it on and logs in and hits play.

He begins to speak aloud to himself, “Lesson one: cleaning trash.” He watches the video while rolling his eyes and resting his chin on his hand. He passes the quiz and gets a perfect score. “Lesson two: handling recyclables.” Again he makes the same gestures and ends the quiz with a perfect score. “Lesson three: cleaning vomit and other bodily fluids.” This time Buddy is glued to the screen as the video plays with his eyes wide open. He gets two questions wrong on the quiz but still passes it. “Lesson four: using the Buffdor 3000.” He rewinds the video a bunch of times, but fails the quiz. The video lessons continue on for an hour longer.

“The results are as follows…” Buddy reads aloud, but trails off. After a few seconds, he declares, “I only failed lesson number four.” He dials Samantha’s number, but she doesn’t answer.

He pulls out his map and begins to look for Ms. Ruben’s office. He navigates the maze of rooms until he sees Samantha exiting a room labeled ‘Break Room.’

“Have you finished your lessons, Mr. Galloway?”

“I have, but I failed the floor buffer one.”

“Let me check. Follow me to my office.” They both walk towards the principal’s office. Samantha leads the way.

After a few clicks on her laptop, she reassures, “Well, you passed every other quiz. Great job! Just study the user manual for the floor buffer and you are good to go on Monday.”

“Where can I find the manual?”

“I imagine it would be somewhere in the janitor’s closet, but we also live in the digital world. I’m certain you could find it online as well.”

Buddy responds, “Thank you, Ms. Ruben.”

“I’ll clock you out now. From this point on you will use this badge to access the door and clock in at the office. You just wave it over the sensor. It does have to have your real name on it. Collect your things and enjoy tomorrow off.”

Buddy fixes his badge and flips it over to the white side. He goes back to the janitor’s closet and finds the Buffdor 3000 Manual. Then he collects his belongings and locks up the closet. This time when he leaves his phone doesn’t go off.

In his truck, he uses a black marker to write Buddy on the white part of his badge.